Beneath those wrinkles and scars, etched not because of age, but a result of those who cannot overcome each other’s differences, you’re still beautiful.

Remember me? The bright-eyed and bushy-tailed small town girl who used to believe in the dream of Wawasan 2020? Now she’s standing just a narrow strait away, in a foreign land she’s trying to call home, looking at you with a mix of emotions -more disappointed and disheartened with each glance, while hanging on to that thin thread of hopefulness.

Never mind how she got there. We all know the story. It’s been told so many times by so many peers who are your children too. While I do appreciate the numerous desperate efforts your politicians put in to try to encourage us, who had fled the country in search for a greener pasture to return home, I don’t think I’m ready yet. I wonder if I’ll ever be ready?

Sometimes I asked my friends back home, “Why don’t you try working in other countries? Why stay in Malaysia when there’s better opportunities out there?” Their faith in the country, and their indefatigable desire to contribute to the Tanah Air is admirable. Are your politicians doing anything to retain these talents? Or are you merely taking them for granted? The best strategy is to lower the annual diaspora moving forward, not bringing that one, two persons back from overseas by offering them feeble perks.

I used to think, if I view the world as one single entity, and that all human beings, regardless of race and nationality, are all brothers, the in-and-out flow of human capital is simply a reshuffling of resources. Citizen A who had gone to Country B is contributing to the Country B’s GDP, while citizen B does the same for Country A. At the end of the day, the net effect to the world will be zero, if not, positive even.

It wasn’t until BERSIH 2.0 that I realized one missing important point – the sense of belonging. On July 9, 50,000 fellow comrades, many clad in the now banned yellow color, braved through stinging tear gas and chemical laced water, to march for a purpose that is bigger than ourselves. In the week leading up to the rally, and the week following after, I fanatically and religiously followed every available update, watched every YouTube video posted on Facebook and read every single international and local op-ed article about Bersih 2.0. Angry at BN’s grotesque, impudent, and accusatory behaviors; deeply moved and inspired by fellow Malaysians who risked their lives in order to uphold the integrity of our country’s democracy, and worried when they got hurt. Truth is, it didn’t matter what they were walking for, at the end of the day, their courage had provided the impetus for a better Malaysia, and more importantly, awakened every single Malaysian to the meaning of people power.

Perhaps what hit me the hardest, was that I know I will never ever feel this way for any another country, be it Singapore, India, or America. The sense of belonging, the sense of pride, the urge to say, “Look! This is happening to my country! This is where I come from!” and other inexplicable feelings that came with it. It’s then I realized, no, the world is not one entity, really. Or at least I have not yet reached the stage where I can view everyone as my equal brother. It’s not simply a reshuffling of resources, and the net effect will not be zero, because we have not taken the sense of belonging into account.

All brothers are equal, but some brothers are closer than other brothers. Please give me enough reason to come home.